Four weeks and two days ago I was on a plane to San Diego. I was wearing all black clothes for that 15+ hour flight. Fittingly so, I felt like a big part of me had died and I was returning “home”. Waking up day after day in Buenos Aires and everything being a struggle, I knew the only way out was change. It was one of the hardest things to do, hopping on that plane and saying goodbye to Nate. We didn’t know what the future held. We just knew we had to do what was best for ourselves first in this situation.
I’ve never been really good at hating anything or anyone (with the exception of dresses during my tomboy stage, but that’s not really harmful and it obviously passed). Yet, this city of Buenos Aires was starting to earn that nasty word. I enjoyed the city for a few weeks. I think I really did. However, as the days went on, a deep dark feeling slowly took over. It could have been the cold-turning weather one day, or inhaling too much second-hand smoke the next OR maybe it was seeing ham and cheese sandwiches every direction I turned. (Really, people?! What is the attraction?) But I could feel something dark and real, waking up day after day in that city–in that apartment–that grew to be alarming.
The nice thing about death in this case, was the rebirth that followed! It wasn’t automatic, but having your best friend pick you up at the airport was a great start. Mandi even had my favorite Trader Joe’s chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels, wine and the most thoughtful card waiting for me. The laughs started to outweigh the sadness. I can only describe it as a bad dream and it was nice to start waking up…especially in San Diego.
Stepping on my yoga mat always, ALWAYS brings me feelings of calm and happiness. So even though I didn’t know what in the heck I was doing or going to do, I knew I could start there. Like clockwork, gratefulness returned. I could breathe again. I was enjoying the view. I really found myself looking around in awe, even though it was more than a familiar place. Yoga sessions, runs on the bay to Crown Point Coffee, bike rides and barefoot beach runs…I started to feel like myself again. And even so, possibly a better version! But I honestly couldn’t have imagined doing this all by myself. I had Mandi waiting with open arms and I had text messages and emails I couldn’t keep up with–friends and family right there, letting me know I was in their thoughts. Those simple acts made a huge impact.
So, here I am. Sitting in the Miami airport, not wearing black by the way! I have bright purple yoga leggings on. I was excited to wear them for my red-eye flight because they are full length and pretty thick–perfect for a cold airplane. If only you could have seen me putting them on after a hot shower and in the 93 degree San Diego heat. Not pretty, but totally paid off in the long run.
Here are some pictures from this past month. Besides enjoying all the people and things San Diego has to offer, Mandi and I visited Memphis, Tennessee for the first time! And we even snuck in another trip to Vegas.
These next few weeks I will be blogging from the Dominican Republic. I’m beyond thrilled for warm beaches and warm water. Ohhhhhh and remember that Nate guy? He’s already there, awaiting my arrival. Reuniting in T-3 hours… 🙂